Wedding Etiquette Q & A

The Best Advice on Handling Your Trickiest Dilemmas

I’m confused. What is the difference between an escort card, a place card, and a table card?

Great question! The escort card is often mistakenly referred to as a place card, but the two are quite different. The escort card informs guests of the table at which they will be sitting and has their names and the table number on it. These cards are usually placed alphabetically on a table near the reception entrance so guests can easily find their spots. The place cards are already on the dinner tables and situated at a place setting to indicate where each guest is to sit. Used more frequently at formal weddings, these are optional for informal weddings. The table card is a prominently displayed sign on each reception table that bears its number.

We're getting married in April 2015. Is it acceptable to send out wedding invitations by e-mail?

Although it may be tempting to do, wedding invitations should be sent the traditional way. After all, with e-mails inundating computers and Smartphones today, an invitation received through the mail is considered very special—and also a good way to set the tone for your wedding.

Where should we place our favors? We’re giving our guests bottles of wine, and we’re not sure whether to put them on the reception tables or display all of them on their own.

It’s up to the two of you to decide which presentation appeals to you most. You can put a bottle at each guest’s place setting on the reception tables, or all the bottles can be beautifully displayed for guests as they leave. Just be sure that someone monitors the table, so people don’t take more than one!

By Patricia Canole

Planning: Decode your wedding day

You're engaged and with it brings the rush of social media announcements. As you tweet, text and e­mail friends and family, you’ve no doubt realized this is a whole new world filled with lace, tulle and a vocabulary all its own. Do you know what BM, E­Ring, DF, MILTB and RB mean? Being engaged is almost like a secret club with a language filled with wedding abbreviations that you've probably never used.

The next time you’re texting your florist, browsing the wedding boards for inspiration, or sending e­mails to your bridesmaids, refer to our “dictionary” of commonly used wedding abbreviations.

Life just got a little simpler!

AHR At­-Home Reception 
BF Boyfriend/Best Friend

BIL Brother­-in­-Law
BM Best Man/ Bridesmaid
BP Bridal Party
DW Destination Wedding
E­Party Engagement Party
E­Ring Engagement Ring
FILTB Future Father­-in­-Law to Be FG Flower Girl
FI Fiancé/Fiancee
FIL Father­-in­-Law
FNF Friends & Family
FOB Father of Bride
FOG Father of Groom
FSIL Future Sister-­in­-Law

FW Future Wife 
GM Groomsmen 
H2B Husband­-to­-Be 
HM Honeymoon 
ILs In­-Laws

JP Justice of the Peace
LDR Long­-Distance Relationship 
MILTB Mother­-in­-Law to Be
MOB Mother of the Bride
MOG Mother of Groom
MOH Maid of Honor/Matron of Honor 
OOTG Out of Town Guests
OTT Over the Top
RB Ring Bearer

RD Rehearsal Dinner
SIL Sister­-in­-Law
SO Significant Other
STDs Save­-the­-Date Cards
WP Wedding Party/Wedding Planner

By Patricia Canole
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Wedding Etiquette: Q & A

The Best Advice On Handling Your Trickiest Dilemmas.

My cousin’s wedding is taking over my life! As a bridesmaid I have been invited to two engagement parties, three showers, a spa weekend and a bachelorette party. I love her, but is it OK to say “no” to a few events?
You can certainly forgo some of these many parties. Be honest and up-front but non-confrontational with your cousin. Consider saying something like, “Jane, I’m so thrilled to be part of your wedding. I need to let you know, though, that there are a few celebrations I won’t be able to make. I hope you understand.” Then give her the chance to respond. Reassure her that you will be there for her throughout the wedding weekend and for some parties. Do attend one or two pre-wedding celebrations (the bridal shower or bachelorette party perhaps); they’re opportunities to spend time with the rest of the wedding party in a more relaxed setting. Also, there’s no need to bring a gift to every event.

My groom’s college roommate passed away last year, and we would like to remember him in our wedding ceremony. My mother thinks this will put the emphasis on mourning rather than on celebration. Is there an appropriate way to commemorate him?
Your mother’s concern is understandable, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a fitting  way to memorialize your fiancé’s friend. The important thing is not to upset people during such a joyful occasion—especially his parents if they attend. Something prominent, such as a large photograph displayed at the reception would likely be too painful a reminder. But you might make a short toast at the rehearsal dinner, particularly if the friend would have been one of the attendants and thus there with you. You could include in the program a brief remembrance of the role this man played in your soon-to-be husband’s life. Or you could light a candle before the ceremony and explain that this symbolic gesture is meant to honor him.

Our families have very different traditions. How can we make everyone feel like they are being represented?
Many couples mix it up, personalizing their ceremony and reception with elements that represent distinct traditions. If these are religious in nature, talk to your officiant to ensure that the ceremony site allows interfaith marriages to be performed. You can use your program to explain any rituals that your guests might be unfamiliar with. For example, one couple built their wedding around their families' British and Swedish customs. Their interfaith ceremony incorporated rites from both the Episcopalian and Lutheran, while the reception had food and music from both cultures.

By Patricia Canole

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Wedding Etiquette: Here Come The Bridesmaids

Here's Our Painless Guide to Casting Your Special Crew. 

By: Patricia Canole

Picking your bridesmaids can be tricky. Follow our advice to make the choice easier! 

·      DO carefully consider the people you’d most like to have by your side at the ceremony. Remember, once you’ve asked, there’s no backtracking or dis-inviting someone. Now is the time to determine your wedding’s style, budget, and size first; a small, informal affair with a bloated wedding party looks out of place.

·      DON’T think you have to have an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. If you must have your four best buds but there are only three groomsmen, have one usher escort a bridesmaid on each arm. 

·      DO be considerate of friends who can’t afford the financial burden of being a bridesmaid. You can include them in your ceremony by asking them to read a poem or piece of Scripture during the ceremony. At the reception have close friends welcome guests as they arrive and direct everyone to the guest book and place card table.

·      DON’T feel you have to ask someone to be your bridesmaid simply because you were in her wedding party. (Maybe she had a bigger wedding than the one you’re planning.) And if you two aren’t close anymore—her wedding was a few years ago and you’ve lost touch—there’s even less reason to ask her. Also remember that there’s no obligation to keep childhood pacts.

·      DO what feels right. Relax, this is your wedding! 


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Planning: 5 Tips for an Unforgettable Outdoor Wedding

5 Outdoor Wedding Tips

By: Amy Darwish

Planning a summer wedding? Outdoor events are all the rage this season! Brides are looking for a way to host an outdoor affair where the guests are enchanted by the details and not turned off by the bugs or weather. Whether you are having a beach wedding, a wedding in a garden setting, or even a fall fete, we've got the tips you need to make your outdoor wedding memorable for the best possible reasons! Be sure to:

via Instagram

1. Remember The Weather: Check the weather reports leading up to your wedding. If it's been a rainy season and you suspect your big day will be a wet one, there are ways to save your wedding from being drowned out. You can consider renting a party tent. Tents come in a range of styles, sizes, and colors and can even be completely transparent to maintain the outdoor feel you desire. Another option is to order umbrellas for your guests. These favors can double as gifts for your guests and they will surely make for some fun wedding photos!

2. Help Guests Dress For The Day: Keep your guests informed about the best ways for them to enjoy your wedding day. If your wedding will take place in a grassy garden, you may want to let your ladies know to leave their stilettos at home. You can post updates via your wedding website, or have close friends and family spread the word! As well, you can provide flip flops for your guests in case they need alternative footwear. You can also provide shawls or scarves for guests if you expect there to be an evening breeze.

     

Tabletop Citronella Torch via Lowes.com

3. Beware of Bugs: Having your outdoor wedding in the summertime? If so, chances are you may encounter some uninvited guests. A great way to keep bugs at bay is to put citronella torches all around the property. Not only do they help repel bugs, but the torches can add decor & ambiance to your celebration. In addition to torches that get planted into the ground, there are tabletop torches which can be incorporated into centerpieces help keep bugs away from your guests during dinner. You can also provide cans of bug spay for your guests. Either put the cans in the bathrooms or on a designated table outside along with some allergy medication.


4. Keep Your Guests Hydrated: Provide cold water for your guests throughout the celebration. You can add a special touch to the water by adding blueberries, orange slices, or cucumber for a refreshing look & taste!  You can either have glasses of water passed out by waiters or you can have a flavored water station, so your guests can grab drinks for themselves. If your wedding is an informal affair, you can even decorate coolers and have bottled water available.


5. Light The Way: When scouting your outdoor wedding location, remember to consider lighting. If there are no outlets in the area, you have a few other options. You can rent a generator to provide electricity for the event and put up string lighting or place lamps around the area. You can also use torches and candles for a more romantic feel. No matter what you choose, make sure your guests aren't left in the dark!


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Wedding Etiquette: 10 Invitation DOs and DON'Ts

Invitation Wedding Etiquette 

The first impression guests get of your wedding day is when they open up the envelopes and get a peek at your invitations. Not only do the invites set the tone and feel of the day to come, but it also lets guests know if your affair will be casual or formal. It's important to project the proper feeling to your guests and the first step to doing that is using proper wedding etiquette.

We've got 10 tips to help get your invites right:

Do:

Invitation by East Six 

1. Send a separate invite to anyone over the age of 18. You may consider your little cousin a kid but if they are over 18 (even if they live with their parents) they are in fact an adult. This means they earn the right of having their own invitation, addressed solely to them.

2. Allow guests for single friends. All adults should receive a plus one, regardless of whether they are not dating someone, living with someone or otherwise. This is a courtesy that should not be overlooked, even if you have budget concerns. If you do not have the room or spending flexibility for additional guests, consider cutting elsewhere.

3. Use formal titles & full names on the outer envelope.  You might not go around calling your newly married friends Mr. and Mrs. or your brother Dr. Michael Smith, but the fact is those are their formal titles and when it comes to formal events, their invitations should reflect the titles they have earned.

4. Include as much information as possible. The more information you provide your guests with, the less questions you will be receiving in the weeks and days before your wedding. Including info such as hotel blocks, directions, and any other necessary info will keep your guests knowledgable and happy.

5. Get creative. This is your chance to give your guests a preview of your wedding. Show them personal style by designing your invitations to include a touch of your wedding decor. Incorporate your wedding colors, monograms and fonts that will be present on the big day, to give them a glimpse of what to expect.

Invitation by Papeterie

Don't:

6. Have an A and B list. Not only is it in poor taste to categorize your friends and family by putting them on a priority and non-priority list, but this system can create chaos when managing your guest list. Waiting on replies to send out additional invitations can be confusing and the delay in receiving invitations may offend some who realize they are on your B list. Instead, create one list with as many guests as you can afford and if there are people you wish to invite still not on the list, then consider these other ways to cut wedding costs, so you can invite them.

7. List registries on wedding invitations. Wedding invitations are not a time to ask for gifts, it is strictly for inviting friends and family to your event. Instead, have your close family and friends spread the word to guests who inquire. If you are having a bridal shower this is the place where can include your registry information. Or, you can create a wedding website to also share this information.

8. Forget to put stamps on the RSVP envelopes. The response of guests is required by you and therefore the expense of the replies becomes the responsibility of the bride and groom. Make sure you include a stamp already affixed to the RSVP envelope before closing up your outer envelopes. Also, be sure to have your return address printed on it so guests do not have to scramble to find your address which may delay their reply.

9. Don't forget to send out Save-The-Date cards. If you want to give your guests extra time to plan to attend your wedding you will want to send out save-the-dates at least 3 to 4 months in advance. If you are having a destination wedding or getting married on a holiday weekend, you will want to give guests 6-8 months notice prior. All of your guests will appreciate the extra time to plan and it will increase the number of guests likely to attend your event.

10. Get overwhelmed. Invites should go out 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding, so give yourself plenty of time for ordering and organizing. You will need time to address, compile, and stamp everything before putting them in the mail. Also, make sure to set your RSVP deadline at least 2 weeks in advance of the wedding or according to any timelines your caterer gives you for ordering food.

For more wedding etiquette and bridal trends, visit ForTheBrideMag.com

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